Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I should probably retitle this blog to "And That's OK"

My friend, who writes over at saepe, sent me a very nice note today about my return to blogging. So I thought I would keep a good thing going and write again tonight.

Somewhere on the internet recently I ran into one of those "bucket list" memes. Only instead of 101 things to do over a lifetime, it was 101 things to do in a year. You can see a variation of this over at Mighty Girl's Mighty Life List.

The idea of listing out 101 things to achieve and then going out and documenting their achievement appeals to me. A lot. So much so that as I was thinking about it tonight I was thinking, why not take it to another level and plan 101 things to do in a month! They would have to be small things! But that way I would have to get started right away! And every day I would be DOING! DOING in the sense of making things happen, improving myself, getting back on track, finally figuring out this big old mess of me.

I've lived long enough (and set myself up for failure enough) that I now know to resist these kinds of ideas. And to consider that maybe instead of doing, I should concentrate on BEING.

For me, "doing" very quickly turns into being a way to not deal. Dreaming of transforming myself into the kind of person who runs marathons, knits blankets, writes novels, and socialize three nights a week is an excellent way to delay accepting myself for who I am.

I don't think we give people enough credit for just being. There are times when I'm going to be able to take on an extra project (one at a time, rachel!), but there are also going to be times when feeding myself, dressing, and going to work is all I can handle. No matter how many to do lists I dream up. And that's OK.

Monday, February 1, 2010